Are crop tops over 40 the cardinal sin of age-inappropriate dressing? 

I’ve been reading a lot of Nora Ephron lately, but despite her very persuasive concerns about aging necks, I’ve been fixated on my abs.

What I thought to have been a fleeting fling spawned by instagram and the “Great Body Reveal” of SS 22 has seemingly struck a chord with my inner 23 year old self. I blame Julie Pelipas and her sculpted, sinewy tanned abs draped in oversized, low-slung pants and micro shrunken tees, as well as Rachel Comey’s urban, cooler than fuck women who make me want to bear my midriff. So. Damn. Much.

But how?  Is it appropriate to bear one’s midriff after a certain age? Whilst I try not to prescribe to ageism there are some questions deigned to be asked. Like: are pearls over 40 aging (yes, unless worn with a sweatshirt and jeans) and can I carry off a crop top with looking like an overgrown imposter from Urban Outfitters gone rogue?

I believe dear readers that it can be done. Otherwise, those hours, nay years of Pilates, HIIT, Ashtanga, Bikram, EMOM, green juices, cabbage soup, fiber shakes, apple cider gummy bears, homeopathic colon cleansers, green tea enemas (insert here any ridiculous tummy flattening fad you’ve ever tried) are in vain.  And although we (I) may begrudgingly concede to being somewhat vain, our efforts should not.

So yes, I say. There are dignified yet relatively cool ways to reveal the midsection that won’t make you feel like an infantilized parody of your former 20 year old self, or make your tween wince in embarrassment.

The crop top with clout, so to speak.

Let’s get into it shall we.  Here are some tried and tested style tips for Abdominal Fabulosity at any age, in absolutely no order of importance.

*I want to preface this by saying that all looks would benefit greatly from a tan. It just works better that way.

Never reveal the belly button.

This is sacrosanct. Steer away from hip huggers and keep that shit tucked away. You can however balance the skimp with a blazer & belt, and whilst this is not considered office appropriate, it does give “power lunch” moves, which I very much approve.

Balance your midriff reveal by covering up your remaining appendages.

That means if you’re cropped up top, go long below. Preferably loose and languid. Can’t decide whether to go with slacks or a skirt? You don’t have to. I introduce you to the “panta-skirt”. You can try this at home, it will work.

Imagine impossible pairings for situations that will never happen.

Let me illustrate the point. Take your most basic failsafe high waist jean. Pair with bikini top. Now throw on a dorky grandpa shirt. Keep going. Maybe now you’re tempted to add a slipper. Don’t. Go for a 3/4 inch heel to maintain the contrast.

Where are you going in this? I have no idea except that you look strikingly cool. And well, sometimes, that’s enough isn’t it.

Take a muted approach.

Right, so a crop top is not loud, per se, but it does make somewhat of “see me” statement. I like to tone it down with otherwise drab and dreary browns, which when paired with sun-kissed skin (rather than my current shade of sallow), and a pop of white, well then its a whole different take on normcore. Wear it to school drop off and cause a stir.

Keep it simple. Yes. It’s that basic and boring. But still, not basic or boring. You get what I mean, right?

I leave you with this style curve ball in which I have managed, rather successfully, to make the crop top look modest, rational and quietly unassuming. Kind of like an accountant on vacation. I believe that deserves a toast.

See, maturity has its merit.

Signing off,

Your Middle Eastern Middle Aged Mom